Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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