oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
