she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
