Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
