like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Alive.
So much puke
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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