i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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