I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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