Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
