i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
