just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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