i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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