even my farts smell like vagina
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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