My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
