cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
