Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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