Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
