on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
