ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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