Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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