Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
