its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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