masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
