I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
