You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
