Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
