she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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