there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
