You just made me feel so damn special
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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