I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
