we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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