Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
