I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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