As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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