Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
