she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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