Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
