Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
