he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
