Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
