thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
