if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
