btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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