Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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