i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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