Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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