my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
