Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
