my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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