I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
