Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
