Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
