I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
