I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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