I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Farmville is her only friend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
