do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
