I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
